When I begin therapeutic work with someone, the use of parts language or Internal Family Systems (IFS) terminology often comes up. I approach each client’s relationship with their parts a little differently; I don’t adhere strictly to one model for working with our inner worlds, which is the essence of IFS.
As we embark on this work, clients often begin to wonder how to move beyond just using parts language. The question inevitably arises:“Okay, so I understand that I have this part—how do I work with it?”
Answering this question can be challenging because each of us has a unique relationship with our inner world. Connecting with a part isn’t the same as interacting with a friend, though there are some similarities. The difficulty often lies in the fact that we’ve been responding from our parts for so long that we may not fully recognize a separate sense of self outside of these parts.
This is where creativity becomes invaluable. From slowing down to engage in journaling or drawing to listening to music that evokes certain feelings, we can explore new ways of connecting with our parts. It helps to think of these parts as existing on a different “frequency” from the one we usually live in. By turning our attention inward, we can begin to take an observant stance.
Can we notice what thoughts are passing through our minds? What sensations are arising in our bodies? As we develop this “muscle,” we might start to attribute these experiences to specific parts.
For example:I feel a sensation in the middle of my back—it’s tight and slightly painful. As I tune into it, I notice it makes me slump over rather than stand tall. This evokes an image of a part of me that hasn’t been allowed to stand at full height or be its whole self.
Here, we’ve taken a bodily sensation and connected it to a part that might represent a long-standing pattern. From here, we can start to engage with this part—perhaps the one that is used to slumping over.
As I focus on this part that hasn’t been allowed to stand tall, I notice a longing for courage in my life. Yet, I often feel disconnected from that courage. Deep in my body, I sense a desire to cry about this, but it feels so suppressed that I don’t know how to access it.
Tips for Starting Parts Work:
Create a low-stress environment.
Parts work requires a calm setting where you aren’t rushing to your next task. Think of this as a dialogue process—would you have a deep conversation with a friend while juggling five other things?
Be descriptive.
Instead of trying to explain or analyze, use sensory and emotional descriptions. Parts respond best to vivid, descriptive language.
Work with your eyes open if needed.
For those with a trauma history, it’s often helpful to keep your eyes open during this process, especially in the beginning.
Allow for uncertainty.
It’s okay to feel confused or unsure about what you’re experiencing. While we may have a strong sense of who we are, this can sometimes block us from hearing tender or less familiar parts.
Do this work in therapy.
Parts work is most effective when done alongside therapy. Returning to a therapist provides the opportunity to explore, process, and experience coregulation, which is essential for healing.
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